Devil’s Dictionary

The Devil’s Dictionary – 21st century edition

In 1911, American writer Ambrose Bierce published "The Devil's Dictionary." Bierce claims it began it in 1881. It was made up of words reinterpreted by Bierce, "... lampooning cant and political doublespeak," as Wikipedia puts it.

Generally, I don’t like the trite negativism of things that are cynical. But every so often you need to clear the system by getting it out of your system. With that in mind, I thought it might be time to start a 21st century update of Bierce's  dictionary. I started with a few words. You're invited to add your own.

(btw ... it is currently in a very raw state -- a work in progress with additions and some formatting still to come.)

******

3D: the movie industry's death rattle; a way to make people stupider without them knowing it.

Agnostic: a fence-sitter; a spiritual gelding.

Alternative: Any art form, work of art or artist that cannot support itself financially; put another way, something no one wants.

American Idol: a very long commercial.

Apple: Microsoft for the 21st century.

Atheism: A way to be as annoying as certain persons of faith without having to believe in God.

Branding: A make-believe identity. A variant of make-over (see make-over).

Canada: a country that wants to be a country without being a country; a conundrum.

Carbon offset: a way to destroy the environment without feeling guilty.

Celebrity: someone whose moment of fame is about to end.

Charity: (noun) something corporations use to promote their products and services.

Cinema: movies the general public dislikes and refuses to see; something very obscure, often characterized by gloom (see Hollywood).

Content farm: the practice of disinformation.

Conversation: the appearance, through words, of paying attention to others; see dialogue.

Corporate communications: an oxymoron; a term for saying nothing verbosely (and expensively).

Dialogue: a one-sided conversation involving smiles.

Facebook: Satan’s web site.

Frame (framing): the attempt to place wire fencing around a subject in order to keep truth out.

Fuel efficient: a way to destroy the environment more slowly.

Google: an attempt to aggregate all the world’s information and strip it of meaning (see meaning).

GPS (global positioning system): a tool that allows the entire world to know where the nothingness of your life is currently occurring.

Green space: nature without the nastiness; a controlled area with pretty flowers and grass; a way for urban people to feel rural (without the dirt).

Healthcare: something average people cannot afford and governments cannot deliver; an acceptable form of thievery.

Hollywood: the home of movies so simple and contrived even monkeys like them; movies commonly characterized by long sequences of booms and boobs (see cinema).

House of Commons: a brothel; a place harlots congregate.

Independent: see alternative

iPad: an obese iPhone.

Mac: A hoighty-toighty PC.

Make-over: A superficial layering placed over an abyss where no personality can be found.

Marketing: crass advertising legitimized.

Meaning: (archaic) the purpose of information; the reason for gathering data. Meaning is often characterized by its absence (see Google).

Microsoft: Yahoo for the 21st century.

PC (aka personal computer): an item of technology that works randomly, off and on, often owned and used in order for the owner to vanish from the world into a wasteland of the trivial.

Province: an area of a country that wants nothing to do with the other areas except where those other areas may support them financially.

Punk: the lingering banalities of the mid-1970s; something that refuses to die.

Smart work: 1) the appearance of focus and effectiveness; 2) a 1931 movie by Fatty Arbuckle.

Social media: 1) a tool whereby lost souls can find one another and enthuse over their mutual vacuity; 2) a tool businesses use to pretend they care about their customers.

Speed-dating: socialized loneliness.

Spin: (noun) a form of lying; (verb) the act of bamboozling the public through redirection.

Spirituality: The comforts of religion without the religion; faith in God without belief in God.

State: see province (subtract the financial expectation).

Twitter: a tool for people with limited vocabularies and limited thoughts.

United States: collective disunity; the illusion of democracy.

Yahoo: the dysfunctional result of corporate management.