I want to be on the radio

We’ve likely all encountered variations of this comedic scene: someone looks like one thing but their voice doesn’t fit our expectations. Let’s say there is a huge football lineman who towers over us yet his voice is high-pitched and squeaky. He may even have a lisp. So we laugh or chuckle.

It’s politically incorrect and socially inappropriate. Worse, it’s unkind. But it’s a natural response to the gap between expectations and reality. Comedy is all about setting up expectations then delivering the unexpected.

How we sound has always intrigued me. I’m always surprised when I meet someone who, should the conversation turn to the subject of radio, has a kind of dream of being on the radio. Seriously, there are a lot of them! I suppose it’s understandable but I know that there is a huge difference between the idealized, fantasy image of being a radio announcer and the reality.

To begin with, it’s one thing to talk it’s quite another to say something that is listenable. You can talk, but are you saying anything worth hearing (the content)? You can talk, but do you have bad habits like a chuckle, the same chuckle, preceding every pause? Do you have to script everything you say or can you talk off the cuff and be sensible? Can you talk and naturally work in all the announcements you’re required to: weather, ads, promos?

Here’s an example: I have a moderately listenable voice. But if I were on the radio and had to talk off the cuff it would all be gibberish punctuated by the odd profanity because, unfortunately, you have to actually think about what you’re saying and my brain works slowly. It’s sad but it’s true. It also goes off on unanticipated tangents.

When you talk, do you sound like yourself or do you sound like a completely different person? Some people, I found, sounded like “announcers.” We use to have a term for that – “Ronnie Radio.” (In other words, there are announcers and there are people who trying to imitate what they think announcers sound like.)

Let’s say you are reading something, a news story or an ad or an introduction – do you sound like you’re reading or can you sound natural, as if you aren’t reading?

Some people have the skills and talent required to be on the radio. Still, they fall into a couple of types. There are some people who are great announcers but no matter what the situation, always sound like announcers. For example, if you have an ad that requires a character voice, let say the average Joe talking about his car, they can’t do it. Put in different terms, they can be a narrator in a film but they can’t be one of the film’s characters because they can’t act. They do one thing, do it very well, but that is it.

And some people can do those character voices but couldn’t be an announcer to save their life. A few can do both.

All this voice business, by the way, doesn’t even touch on all the other requirements, such as public appearances, community involvement and radio station functions they may have. (Maybe they have to also sell ads, or manage the music, or produce commercials.)

On the outside, being a radio voice appears easy and fun. It can certainly be the latter, fun, and for some it can be both. But talking on the radio involves a lot more than talking on the radio.

That is why it is something I never tried. Years ago, when I first started in radio, I saw what was involved and gauged it against what my skills were and my personality was and it was clear to me that it would not be something I’d do even remotely well.

And so I write.

(Yes, today was a bit of a tangent.)