Five limericks (plus one)

Having lost his mind and making himself what I imagine to be the recipient of gazillions of limericks, Roger Ebert is running a little limerick contest. Below are five six of my lame efforts, only some of which I submitted.

Please note: limericks are almost by definition ribald, so if you have a polite sensibility — you have been warned!

i)

It seems Mr. Ebert has blest
the Web with an onerous test,
to conspire a rhyme
considered a crime
quite awful, but for the jest.

ii)

There is a woman I know, Tenacity,
who amazes with her capacity
to love through the night
without any respite
and with a tenacious rapacity.

iii)

“My love,” I said proudly, “is long.”
She agreed but said, “That ain’t no prong.
“A tumescent lift
makes a sturdier gift.
If you cannot get wood, keep your dong.”

iv)

I’d been unfollowed, even unfriended.
My digital world was back-ended
By the whims of the few
Who had taken the view
To unlove me as they had pretended.

v)

A woman of big-boned physique
Had a talent considered unique.
She made love with her ass
As she released gas
And she did so with nary a squeak!

vi)

Inserted right into my bum,
a penis caused my c**k to come.
And that penis was mine!
And yes, it was fine,
though bent a bit more than some.