A number of unnamed sources are reporting today the death of everything. Pudding, shoes, computers - it's all gone or will be shortly, all digitized and off into "the cloud."
"Many of us have been distracted by reports of the death of newspapers, traditional publishing, the music industry - all that stuff," says one source. "What we've failed to notice is what is happening to everything else. For me, the canary in the coal mine is pudding. As goes pudding, so goes the world."
The reference to pudding alludes to a new app, shortly to be introduced to Facebook, that allows users to give and get pudding - virtual pudding. As the app itself puts it, "All the flavor without the stickiness." Well, kind of all the flavor. Like everything on Facebook, including friends, you have to imagine it. But if you can, no dietary concerns! No weight gain issues!
Beyond pudding, the migration of everything to digital format and "the cloud" (which use to be called cyberspace until it became tiresome and everyone wanted something more au currant) suggests a multitude of benefits, such as cigarettes that don't stink and give you cancer.
However, as some experts warn, the catch in all this is an individual's capacity to imagine. "If you can't make yourself believe it, how the hell's it going to work for you?" asks one luddite who, as often happens with major news stories, can't be named because, as this story suggests, everything is dead or soon will be, including names.
Some skeptics question the authenticity of these reports. However, they quickly change their minds and acquire brows of worry when it's explained to them that Google bots have gone beyond the web and are now tracking, scanning and digitizing real world objects, including people.
"Hey man, you already exist in the cloud!" they are told. Some have wept, some have said, "Awesome!"
On a related topic, the death of everything also means the end of the quest for a sustainable revenue model for Twitter, as revenue models will be dead. As will Twitter. While Twitter may exist in the cloud, the concept of everything being dead and only nothing left, suggests to some that a) no one will be around to tweet, b) even if there were, there will be nothing to tweet about, and c) Twitter won't exist.
"It's a concept so hard to grasp you get headaches trying to figure it out," says one expert. We can confirm that assessment.
The expert goes on to add, "As always happens, this transition will mean winners and losers. By that I mean I haven't a clue what it all means so the only thing I can offer you is the standard clichés. But I think I can say this: you think real estate tanked with the credit crisis? Wait'll you see what happens when ‘everything is dead,' we're all in the cloud and no one needs a home anymore!"
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