Self-interview: Bill, why do you write?

I write because no one listens to me when I talk.

That was the sound byte answer. But it’s true. When I talk I sound like an idiot. So people tune out, as I would too. When I write, however, I can usually bamboozle people into thinking I not only know what I’m talking about but that I can convey it to the world mellifluously.

Imagination is a big part of it too. I can pretend people are reading what I write whereas if I talk I see their eyes glaze over and attention wander. Very disquieting. And discouraging.

Imagination also plays a part in that, when I write, I can use big, polysyllabic words as if I not only know what they mean but also know how they’re pronounced.

I can write about anything and, if I’m doing it even moderately well, I can be perceived as an expert, whether I know anything about the subject or not. I can write about world politics, an economic collapse, evolving and emerging technologies – you name it – and I can come across as if I’m the guy world leaders need to talk to when they’re in a fix. The Internet is a big help in this. I can find terminology almost anywhere that most people haven’t come across and it reinforces the notion that, “This guy really knows what he’s talking about!”

Shall we discuss taxonomic ontological metrics? (Actually, I just made that one up.)

Of course, writing also helps me avoid doing things I don’t want to do. I’ve been writing a lot recently because there’s a load of laundry begging to be cleaned.

Writing, however, cannot help you where walking the dog is concerned. This is probably because dogs, for the most part, are illiterate.