Some off the cuff writing tips
August 9th, 2008 by Bill
I thought I’d scribble a few notes regarding writing. To my surprise, I found I had revealed some key tips concerning the writing profession. I was compelled to share:
1. It’s best to be sober. Mind you, it’s not nearly as much fun.
2. It’s okay to tap on the keys while naked but try to remember your state of dishabille when answering the door. Not everyone is as broad-minded or prepared.
3. Lie, but do it truthfully.
4. No one likes big words that are seldom used (like dishabille). No one likes acronyms. And everyone hates those sentences that use Latin or French words in italics that only the author knows the meaning of.
5. It’s okay to use profanity but do it sparingly and only when no other word will do. (You don’t want to come off sounding like a Hollywood script.)
6. Read. Everything.
7. When writing for an English audience, write in English. Generally, readers will find it easier to read than, say, Cantonese or French.
8. The Internet has changed how people read so, if writing a book, consider peppering it with loads of unrelated illustrations and oodles of white space. This helps create the illusion for the reader that he or she is reading when they are not. Additionally, it will help your book look big and thick when it’s really nothing more than a few pages of notes.
9. If you have nothing to write, don’t. And please don’t write a post like this one which just wastes everyone’s time.
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